D’oh! … nuts!

We gathered around a conference table to partake of a box of donuts.  Silence ensued as we enjoyed the box of sugar bliss.  Joy entered the room late.

Joy, “Are these gourmet donuts?”

Silence was the only one to greet her query, as the box was unlabeled, as most donut boxes are.

Then she continued, “You know… if they’re gourmet, they use trans-fats when frying, blegh.”

I quickly snatched the box from her and said, “Suh-weeeet!   More for me, I have to watch out for my girl-ish figure.”

A single tear escaped from the corner of Joy’s eye as she watched the donuts pass her by.  But at least she wouldn’t have to throw them up later.

*1 point for Dream Killer

Pinterest

Out Of Orafice Response

During a meeting, the progress of everyone’s projects was being discussed.  Somehow Agnes thought the meeting catered to her, and only her, needs.

Agnes, “Can we get it?”

Ted, “You should have it, it was delivered a couple of days ago.”

Agnes, “Oh, I’ve been out for two months.”

Me, “I’m sorry, how is that any different from when you are out?”

*1 point for Dream Killer

The Law of Non-Diminishing Return(s)

Moderator, “Think of a time in your life when you were asked to perform a certain task, but you didn’t have all the information.”

As we carefully and thoughtfully pondered this query, we were interrupted by –

Moderator, “Not the first time you had sex.”

A hush fell over the room, it was broken by –

Me, “I wasn’t thinking of that, but now I am… and I can’t unthink it…”

Eustice, “Now I’m thinking of Dream Killer’s first time.  And I don’t want to be thinking about that.”

Me, “But I want you to not want to think of that…” Then I whispered, “I want you to want to think of me thinking of you…”

*1 point for Dream Killer

Schwel of Hard Putz

Marv has been getting his masters degree, and likes to let everyone know.

Moderator, “I want you guys to think of a good decision that you made, one that turned out well.”

Silence, as we all pondered in thought.

Marv, “Like when I decided to go back to college?”

Alice, “I hadn’t heard?”

Claude, “You’re in school?”

Me, “I haven’t heard that for a whole five minutes.”

Marv wondered if he had in fact not mentioned that he was going to school recently.  He was so proud of the fact that he was putting in the long hours to obtain a piece of paper, when he remembered that he was barely able to fly through under grad “work.”  He would make more of an effort to talk about his return to school in the future.

Speck-tacles

During pre-meeting chi-chat:

Marv, “Glasses?”

Gil, “Yeah.”

Marv, “Nice, when’d you get ’em?”

Gil, “I’ve had them, just never used ’em.”

Marv, “Oh really? I was at the mall this weekend and passed by Lenscrafters.”

Gil, “…”

Marv, “Then I went to the Apple store, before that I had to study for grad school…”

Gil, “Getting back to our meeting…”

Me, “Thank you!”

*1 point for Dream Killer