The Univited Jest

Whilest traversing the aisles of Comic Con, I overheard this nugget of joy from a female attendee dressed as Wonder Woman… I use the term “female” loosely… I use the term “attendee” loosely as well.

In the process of perusing the comics and wares a vendor had laid out she suddenly felt the need to interact and converse;

Girl, “I don’t get it! Why is Batman in the DC Universe?  He doesn’t belong there, he’s more like a Marvel hero.  I wonder why that is?”

Me, “I wonder how you managed to fit in to that Wonder Woman costume.  Let’s not fight over a made up character…”

*1 point for Dream Killer



Mo’ Money… Mo’ Problems…

Money can’t buy drivin’ skillz.  This video brings me excessive amounts of joy.

Huzzah to the video recorder.  Here’s the video by itself first;

And then the yahoo link;

*1 point for this guy

Hunger Gams?

With the Hunger Games dominating the box office for three weekends in a row, it was finally dethroned.  Stu was always behind the curve with trending, but his vocal opinions tried to overcompensate.

Stu, “I saw the Hunger Games this weekend, it was ah-mahzing.  I feel that the book and the movie are two different things.”

Me, “I saw that movie three weeks ago.”

*1 point for Dream Killer

Sarcasmo To The Rescue! My Wit Cuts Sharp, Cuts Deep

There’s a popular image being posted on the social networks. It’s of the naturel of ‘see if you can spot the creepy thing in the picture’, Amy posted one such image without seeing the creepy thing. She posted it to scare others, but curiosity still won out.

Amy, “What!? I’m still not looking! Last time I posted something like this it scared the sh*t outta me! Did you see it Dream Killer!?”

Me, “Yeah, it’s no big whoop. Keep looking.”

Amy, “Hahaha, no it’s not…I just made myself look! hahaha…the one I posted before was a lot worse!”

Then out of nowhere comes Marv, “Saw it instantly with a glance.”

Me, “‘Oh your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply can’t allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go! Go for the good of the city!'”

*1 point for Dream Killer

Friday! You Taste Like All The Other Days, Be More Special!

Zack was speaking rather loudly as he was showing a new person what he does.

Zack, “My job is to give her the check, and to give you the back up check -” then Gloria walks by derailing Zack’s train of thought.

Zack, “Gloria! not even a good morning huh?”

Gloria did not break her stride, instead she gave a quick half look, she walked past my cube and I said, “You’re never too old to learn something stupid, or in this case, someone’s stupid.”

Gloria chuckled.

*1 point for Dream Killer

Target In Sight… Moron Found

I was perusing through Target when I over heard this Caucasian dude come out of the foot cream section which an old Chinese lady, which I my brain automatically assumed was his mom (who was into Sailors).

Guy in Target, “Evolutionarily speaking he should be an inch taller than you.  Or not, cause it also skips a generation.”

Me, “I intend to live forever… so far I’m doin’ fine.”

*1 point for Dream Killer

The Buck Stops Here (in Sector 7-G)

Passing through the halls on my way from the restroom I encountered Pam, who had a handful of files.  She was talking to a bald weirdo, Mark, who was way behind her.

Pam, “Not here! It’s going smoothly now.”

Mark, “I’ll e-mail you, hey Dream Killer, going back to your work station?”

Me, “You mean my cube?”

Mark, “We like to refer to it as work station… so yeah.”

Me, “A bus station is where a bus stops, a train station is where a train stops.  On my desk, I have a work station…”

Mark’s stride was halted and for a few seconds he had to muster enough neurons to form cognitive thought.

*1 point for Dream Killer

Box Office Results

I went to the movies with some friends, the title of the movie is unimportant, it was a cold day, so I sweatered up.  While at the box office I made some small talk with the ticket taker;

Girl, “My brother would like that sweater.”

Me, “Well, he can’t have it, cause I’d be cold.”

Girl, “That’s ok, cause my brother’s dead.”

Awkward silence (for her, not me), which was then broken by –

I replied, “Then he really can’t have it,” I then took my ticket and receipt with a smile, waved good bye as I entered their establishment which possessed an inviting aroma of overpriced popcorn farts and meth addicts.

*1 point for Dream Killer


To See, Or Not to… See (revisited)

Passing some co-workers in hall:

Gil, “I hate wearing glasses, I’m thinking about getting LASIK.”

John, “I had LASIK six years ago and it didn’t take.”

Me, “Yeah, LASIK doesn’t work on morons.”

Sadly, the man’s daily reminder that he’d wasted thousands of dollars came in the form of designer glasses, this didn’t stop him from making future poor choices in life.  Little did he know that the money he’d spent wouldn’t buy him happiness.  His wife would later leave him for somebody that didn’t wear glasses, his house would go into foreclosure due to him overextending himself.  He wouldn’t remember his kids’ names, who pretended they didn’t know him when they were out in public.

*1 point for Dream Killer

Anger and Intolerance are the Enemies of Incorrect Misunderstanding

On a trip back to my cubical, I overheard the ramblings of half a mind divided into two separate entities, so I couldn’t help but interject [that means butt in 😉 ]

Gil, “Why did he do that?  When did he do that?  I don’t want him taking my money.”

Gary, “Sometimes, Gil, you just have to go with your gut.”

Me, “You always go with your gut, how about for once you listen to your brain.”

*1 point for Dream Killer