Calory Countered

Woman, “Yeah, we’ll see.”

Man, “So what are you gonna do?”

Woman, “I’m gonna ask her what I should eat.”

Man, “Are you going to have to pre-make your food?”

Me, “How is that different from all food?”

*1 point for Dream Killer

Afternoon Elevated Delight

Let me regale you with yet another conversation that took place in the elevator.

Woman , “I have trust issues, I left with my sister-in-law twice and once she came back without any hair.”

Me, “Wow, nothing slips past your detective skills.”

Just then the elevator DINGED, signaling that I had reached my floor. As I exited, the doors slowly shut on slow minded passengers.

*1 point for Dream Killer

Episode I: A Constant Menace

While in the elevator:

Stu, “There are Sooooo many, there’re like three episodes a week!”

Matt, “I know!”

Me, “That’s like half of Star Wars…”

Stu and Matt immediately quieted themselves, their voices hushed and their footsteps tendered, they walked out of the elevator into uncertainty – for they knew nothing about anything.

*1 point for Dream Killer

The Unimportance Of Being Earnest

There’s nothing better than being trapped in a steel box with people yakking about their health issues for 32 floors.

Lady 1, “He’s a good doctor, he knows what’s causing the pain.”

Lady 2, “Yeah? How often do you have to go back?”

Lady 1, “It’s been like three to four visits.”

Me, “Obviously he’s very, very good…”

We reached the lobby and I finally escaped them.  The ladies walked to their car, silent.  They pondered their choice of medical care taker and that these doctors are in fact “practicing medicine.”

*1 point for Dream Killer

The Non-Difficult Things In Life

Riding back up the elevator from lunch I got trapped with a girl who seemed determined to make conversation.  Without asking she opened up with,

Girl, “I just came from the valley, urgh.  It was brutal, like hot brutal.”

Me, “You’re here now.  Oh wait, you’re here now…”

Elevator “Musak”

At quitting time on Friday I rode the elevator to the lobby with some “adults.”

Here’s how it went down (pun intended):

Girl, “Tsk, I’ll be damned if I’m, like, going to that, urgh, meeting… She’s that one that called the meeting in the first place, urgh.  So then I like texted her? And told her that I wasn’t going to the meeting? urgh…”

She said everything with an awkward upwards inflection as if it were a question.

Me, “So you went to the meeting right?”

As she turned to look at me her leathery sun worn hide crinkled, thereby revealing that all the products and creams were all for naught.

*1 point for Dream Killer

Elevator Conversation #1

A employee/mother has graciously allowed her children to come to her place of work.  The elevator opened on our floor and the kids rushed out.  One of her boys spoke –

Boy, “Let’s go.”

Mom, “this isn’t our floor.”

Boy, “where are we?”

Mom, “the 18th floor, we have to go 17 more floors down before we get off.”

The boy storms in and impatiently waits while the elevator car descends to the lobby floor.

Boy, “But why?  Why do we have to wait?”

Me, “Well, when you grow up, you can buy your own elevator.  And you will wait for no one.”

*1 point for Dream Killer